| dressing ingredients |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|12:48 pm] |
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Due to travel, the dressing gets the old bake & freeze. Incidentally, the secret to moist and tender dressing is fresh sage and thyme plus simmering the celery and onions in the chicken broth before mixing in. I use both crouton and cornbread. |
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| Teaching Moment? |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|06:46 pm] |
As I was browsing (but not buying) Christmas ornaments in Target this afternoon, these two youngsters were annoyingly underfoot and screaming. One of them asked it's mother if it could press the button on the customer service call box located at the foot of the Christmas trees. She chirped, "sure, but you better know what to ask for."
On the one hand, her response was not overprotective and might teach her kids to be responsible for their actions. On the other hand, Target employees ain't go no damn time to entertain your children, fool! |
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| suffocation shield |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|11:03 am] |
Want to protect your microcephalic baby from the rain? Have I got the product for you!
Tired of that little pinhead already? The Stroller Shield doubles as a suffocation device! |
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| The Pink PIg |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|10:58 am] |
 This kiddie ride has been brought out every holiday season for years albeit in different locations and safety levels. There's one little problem, though. Why does the pig look so shocked? If you're wearing blush, eye shadow and false lashes, you might be scared when the farmer comes around. |
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| Vick's Vapor Chub |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|03:44 pm] |
Actually, this nugget (thanks for that word, Chelsea!) is in the Vick's NyQuil commercial, but I couldn't make a pun with that. Anyone we know?
I used to post about nuggets on tv all the time, but then I got uppity. Well, that's over now. Bring on the fat screen caps!
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| Big & Tall the Kohl's Way |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|02:52 pm] |
 It's a good thing that Kohl's stocks clothes for ample dudes, but they're clearly out of touch with the actual needs of the outsized man or how to style him. Shapeless bag plaid? Clown costume? Pull your pants up to grandpa's armpits? Come on!
Furthermore, they have a weird definition of Big & Tall:
Big: Demonstrates a body from 5'8" - 6'0" tall with a midsection that's wider than the chest. Order a big size if you are 6'2" or shorter, and your waist measures the same or larger than your chest. In other words, big sizes are designed for men with a full waist and average height.
Well, I'm plenty fat, but I don't think it's even possible for my chest measurement to be smaller than my waist. Can you imagine how I'd look with a 52" chest and a 52" waist? I'd be a Hershey's Kiss!
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| (un)Healthy Choice (for the environment) |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|06:29 pm] |
Many people want convenience for lunch, but ConAgra is packaging everything but the microwave in the Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers line. The main container consists of bowl, lid and plastic seal and shrink-wrap around the lid. Inside is another plastic container with a seal. The lid doubles as a colander, which is clever except that we don't need single-use colanders floating in the Pacific! And for a single serving at that. In some ways this is even worse than Kraft Lunchables. |
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| Knock-on: Imported "Vintage" Chambray |
[Sep. 30th, 2009|09:59 pm] |
I'm the recipient of trickle-down style today. By the time something reaches Walmart, it's usually done for, but I found $14 vintage chambray shirts that are nearly identical to the equally fake imported $98 J.Crew ones. Purchase!
Real U.S. made chambray work shirts are best left to collectors, but what's stopping Levi's or Wrangler from getting a semi-premium version out? J.Crew is simply taking advantage of its customers in this case, though. You pay for marketing instead of cotton, so I don't feel guilty in the least for buying the Walmart alternative. |
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| Alright or OK? Is somebody plagiarizing? |
[Sep. 30th, 2009|09:58 pm] |
Plagiarism is a serious thing to accuse an artist of. Sometimes it's actually homage, coincidence, collaboration or multiple artists taking inspiration from the same source instead of an art crime.
Whatever the case, the art of Martin Creed and Jason Scott Kafke seems to have the same message in mind. They're around the same age, and I have found Alright pieces by Creed dating back to 1999. It seems as though somebody's copying somebody. |
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| Ugly Duckling No Swan |
[Sep. 20th, 2009|01:23 pm] |
If I haven't mentioned it before, I loathe Restoration Hardware. It's bad enough that they churn out faux antiques and brushed nickel hardware, but this one really burns.
I can understand why manufacturers make knock-offs. It's usually to sell a popular design for cheap, but instead of duplicating Jacobsen's Swan chair's elegant curves, Restoration Hardware has created a bloated leather mess. It's truly awful. |
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| Read Only Wrongness |
[May. 8th, 2009|09:31 am] |
I deleted my account without notice last month, but in my haste I forgot about one thing - this is the only place I read some of you! The brevity of Facebook is irritating, but I find nobody wants to read a diatribe either. Cute or Kill? is still raging on in blogger format, though largely in the interest of design. I'm even converting some old but good LJ design entries to the new site.
In the meantime, I've archived everything here but am deleting all entries except the infamous Tales of Wrongness (find them with the wrongness tag). These are the only things I will continue to write in this space. Expect plenty of them as they're always entertaining.
If you branch out into other areas (Facebook, Blogger, Flickr), let me know where you're most active so we can stay in touch.
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| Billie's Blues now even bluer |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|09:30 pm] |
Once again I find myself fixing some lyrical misinformation. Not even a year ago I nailed down the Billie Holiday version of Lester Young's classic "I Cover the Waterfront" because it suffered so much mangling. Tonight I repeat the process for one of Billie's own, "Billie's Blues." To be fair, some of the errors are introduced by mingling the Carmen McRae cover in with Billie's lyrics. Billie was known to improvise as well, but this is how it is in several recordings I've heard. Some of these transcribers must have cotton in their ears. The errors end up on commercial sites, too.
Retarded Version
I love my man
I'm a liar if I say I don't
I love my man
I'm a liar if I say I don't
But I'll quit my man
I'm a liar if I say I won't
I've been your slave, baby
Ever since I've been your babe
I've been your slave
Ever since I've been your babe
But before I be your dog
I'll see you in your grave
My man wouldn't give me no breakfast
Wouldn't give me no dinner
Fought about my supper and put me outdoors
Had the dark clay make black spots on my clothes
I didn't have so many
But I had a long, long way to go
I ain't good-looking
And my hair ain't curled
I ain't good-looking
And my hair ain't curled
But my mother, she gave me something
That's gonna tear me through this world
Some men like me talkin' happy
Some calls it snappy
Some call me honey
Others think i got money
Some tell me baby you're built for speed
Now if you put that all together
It makes me everything a good man needs | Billie Version
I love my man
I'm a liar if I say I don't
I love my man
I'm a liar if I say I don't
But I'll quit my man
I'm a liar if I say I won't
I've been your slave, baby
Ever since I've been your babe
I've been your slave
Ever since I've been your babe
But before I'll be your dog
I'll see you in your grave
My man wouldn't give me no breakfast
Wouldn't give me no dinner
Squawked about my supper then he put me out the doors
Had the nerve to lay a matchbox on my clothes
I didn't have so many
But I had a long,long ways to go
I ain't good-looking
And my hair ain't curls
I ain't good-looking
And my hair ain't curls
But my mother, she give me something
It's gonna carry me through this world
Some men like me 'cause I'm happy
Some 'cause I'm snappy
Some call me honey
Others think I've got money
Some tell me "Billie,
Baby you're built for speed."
Now if you put that all together
Makes me everything a good man needs |
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| Little Boxes of Carver Hills |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|01:48 am] |
Are any of you pioneers of Atlanta gentrification? If you are, you should really consider this little 'hood located inside the northwest (more west than north) corner of 285. Mary George Avenue, Abner Terrace and nearby streets are comprised of high slopes peppered with little midcentury modern houses - many of which have fantastic views of the city. The home values are generally less than $100K. Better still, the crummy ones can be had for about the price of a cheeseburger right now.
The only problem, of course, is the crime potential associated with the west end. The bright side is that as new development continues to creep down from Vinings along Cumberland Parkway and radiates out from Atlantic Station, this middle might prosper (albeit at the cost of destroying the cute houses most likely).
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| Cool |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|07:43 pm] |
I looked everywhere for Pylon's anthem of obscurity - including the sleeve to Gyrate - but I haven't been able to find the lyrics. Instead, the task of transcription became my own. If you know the song yourself, help me verify these lyrics:
You-ou-ou-our form
Rea-ea-ea-eal gone
Li-i-i-ike wild
Goo-oo-oo-ood vibe
Everything is, everything is, everything is, everything is, everything is, everything is coooooooool
There are these forms I like to watch
There are these shapes which talk to me
There are these forms I like to watch
There are these shapes which talk to me
I like forms
And forms like me
The more you look
The more you see |
In one of the thousands of projects that are half formed in my head, I wanted to use this song in a movie. |
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| Monolithic Living |
[May. 27th, 2008|01:07 pm] |
Despite my collector tendencies (and recent declaration of Hollywood Regency leanings - what was I thinking?), I've decided to re-examine the furnishings in order to get peace and quiet. By this I mean that I'm tired of furniture that makes noise. Whether vintage or new, everything has a squeak or wobble.
The new direction is not simply one of minimalism. The emphasis will be placed on items made from few materials and few parts. No moving parts = no noise! I already had great success with some chairs I regret having sold - Starck "Bo" for Driade - but other generous, sturdy, plastic chairs are at the top of the list along with this clever glass coffee table.
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| Children make the best accessories. |
[May. 26th, 2008|11:58 am] |
I have an obsession with Suri Cruise - not an eepy-cray obsession but an obsession nonetheless. Is there anyone alive more fashionable than this tot? Despite the Scientology heritage, she inspires me to create new life...
...for fashion! To think I could have a wee one walking about with half my genes wearing Christian Louboutin sandals (Suri's their youngest client). Every minutia would be press worthy!
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| Recovering "I Cover the Waterfront" |
[May. 16th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
"I Cover the Waterfront" is one of my favorite jazz classics - especially Billie Holiday's definitive version. She is often incorrectly attributed as the writer (Lester Young, 1947). It's a shame that nobody besides Lester and Billie ever get the lyrics right, though.
Sinatra* popularized a butchered arrangement that begins with the chorus and leaves out the entire intro. Even Armstrong recorded a super-spaz version that was all over the place. Today it continues to be covered very poorly - something not at all helped by the lyrical errors posted all over the Internet.
The root of most of the errors originates with Warner Brothers Music Corp. These get copied or even have new errors introduced by people mishearing Billie. After many pages of Google, I couldn't find a single correct version! The stupidest part is that the errors defy conventions of common English and logic. Compare them below.
Retarded Version
Away from the city that hurts and knocks
I'm standing alone by the desolate docks
In the still and the chill of the night
I see the horizon, the great unknown
My heart has an ache, it says heavy as stone
Will the dawn come along and make it last?
I cover the waterfront
I'm watching the sea
Will the one that I love be coming back to me?
I cover the waterfront
In search of my love
And I'm covered by a starless sky above
Here am I patiently waiting
Hoping and longing
Oh, how I yearn
Where are you?
Have you thought back time?
Do you remember?
Will you return?
I cover the waterfront
I'm watching the sea
Will the one that I love be coming back to me? | Lester/Billie Version
Away from the city that hurts and mocks
I'm standing alone by the desolate docks
In the still and the chill of the night
I see the horizon, the great unknown
My heart has an ache, it's as heavy as stone
Will the dawn coming on make it light?
I cover the waterfront
I'm watching the sea
Will the one I love be coming back to me?
I cover the waterfront
In search of my love
And I'm covered by a starlit sky above
Here am I, patiently waiting
Hoping and longing
Oh, how I yearn
Where are you?
Have you forgotten?
Will you remember?
Will you return?
I cover the waterfront
I'm watching the sea
Will the one I love be coming back to me?
Will the one I love be coming back to me? |
Does anyone have the Elysian Fields' cover?
* I never thought Sinatra was anything special: white bread. Shoot me if you must. |
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| Mainlining the Imagicillin |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|12:23 am] |
Have you been to Babyland General, birthplace of Cabbage Patch Kids? I can willingly suspend my disbelief long enough to enjoy many episodes of Doctor Who or even reality television, but I don't think I could cut doing what the lady below (not the one in the hat - that's Xavier Roberts) has to. I think I'd kill myself if I had to pull dolls out of the cabbage vage all day while administering Imagicillin with a smile. There is even an adoption ceremony complete with sworn oaths and shit! Still, a trip there would be fun if only to observe the weird middle aged southern ladies who'd rather buy another crappy piece of cute than anything else.
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| Putting the Fun in Fundies |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|08:52 pm] |
As I was filling the tank with gas at Sam's Club today, some dude in a truck thrust his hand in my direction with a pamphlet and said, "Here. I think you need one of these." The pamphlet was one of those crudely drawn comic book tracts urging you to save your soul and spend every waking moment of your life appeasing the omnipotent sky daddy - you know the ones. To this I replied, "No thank you. I don't have time for crazy today." He seemed bewildered for a second and silently recoiled probably out of fear that the lightning would arc over to him after it struck me.
What he did wouldn't be such a bother. Every company does the same thing trying to sell me their brand, but this was a rather presumptive pitch. "Need," indeed! Does my appearance just scream heathen?
I wonder how the public would take to my passing out pamphlets promoting sanity and reason? Perhaps I could encourage them to read Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World. Perhaps they would punch me and tell me to go to Hell, too. |
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